I am becoming more and more convinced that we are defined by the things we love. Not by the people we love, (though they are more than happy to define us), and not by our jobs (which can change an average of four times during our lifetime), but by the things. There is even a new trend in obituaries which bears this out. In more and more obituaries, after the naming of survivors, there is a small list of the things the deceased loved. For example: “Mary loved crossword puzzles, quilting and bird watching.” Or, “Jack loved fly fishing, the NY Yankees and playing gin rummy.”

I love this trend, yet it always makes me a little sad too, because I wish the list was longer. I know Mary and Jack loved more than those things, and I want to know what other things? What else did they love?

So with Valentine’s Day afoot I thought: “What better time to make my list; a list of things I love, the things which, for better or for worse defined me. At first I could only think of things like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, but then I warmed to the task and came up with over a hundred things before supper time. Here is a partial list (in no particular order): I love to iron. I love to pick lint out of the vacuum brush with a toothpick. I love Sudoku puzzles and sitting up to my neck in hot, bubbly water.

I love the day the screens go on. I love cinnamon toast and falling asleep on the couch in the afternoon with golf on TV. I love fireworks and the smell of play dough and a Bombay Sapphire martini, up, with a twist.

I love the Rose Parade and Mallow Cups and those tiny flowers that grow above tree line. I love marching bands and Easy Pass and root beer floats. I love being part of a cheering crowd at a major league baseball game. I love movies that end with reconciliations after long estrangements.

I love champagne and catalpa trees and puppy breath. I love roller coasters, cedar waxwings and the little spit sink at the dentist. I love the sound of ankles popping in yoga class and eating with chopsticks. I love a great massage, jumping double dutch and looking down at the ground from an airplane.

There’s more on my list, but the point of all this is that the things that we love want to love us, too. They are there all the time, all around us, waiting for us to notice them and love them. That’s because it is only when we love them that they can come into being. It may be hard to imagine a Sudoku puzzle waiting for you to love it, and in fact it’s not really the puzzle itself that waits, it’s that part of your brain that loves to work in that weird way and only gets to do so through the puzzle.

Everything you love wakes up a different part of you and lets it become real and alive. And when you notice that you love something, then you are living “in love.” Loving is simply the act of noticing that you love what you love.

So I invite you to do it. Make a list of all the things you love. Keep adding to it as you notice more and more things. They can be silly things or serious things. The only criterion is that you love them. Every time you hear yourself say, “I love that!” write it down. Keep a “life list” like bird watchers do, of all the things you notice that you love. The longer your list, the more “definition” you will have as a human being. Some people say, “You are what you eat.” I say, “You are what you love.”

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